I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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