My first STD was from a foam party
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize