so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just took my morning after pill in the library
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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