I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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