i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
