I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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