Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
