he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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