she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if only i could text you this smell
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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