I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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