just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
