I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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