The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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