Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
