This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
