I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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