just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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