Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
