i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
