??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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