honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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