I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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