UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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