so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
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Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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