I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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