whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.