I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.