you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
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I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drake has all the answers
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.