3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT