Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.