We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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