I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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