**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We left the knife in your bed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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