Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
