im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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