I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was like eating out sand paper
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
