new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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