No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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