I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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