420 ftw
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
