Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize