i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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