Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Everclear isn't food dammit
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