Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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