I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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