I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
