it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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