is your mom at the bar?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
don't judge my taste in strippers
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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