We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
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I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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