This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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