At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize