Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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