Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
