He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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