he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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