He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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